Mythical Creatures Scene 8: Connection
“I don’t want to go back to the Tardis tonight,” Letitia said after the Doctor had paid the carriage driver. “I want to see the stars. Do they have a hotel here?”
“Of course.” He looked at her, but did not try to read her expression. He didn’t need to. All he needed to do was let things happen as they would.
“Then let’s get a room. If we need anything else to eat, we can order in.”
“All right.” He offered his arm, and she took it and followed him to a hotel. The desk clerk gave them a knowing look as he typed their information (mostly false) into his computer. The Doctor tried very hard to ignore it, but as Letitia had the same look, he wasn’t having much luck. Instead, he found himself going along with it. His hand went to her waist, underneath the poncho, and though he was touching cotton, he could almost feel her skin through it. Just close enough to long to be closer.
As they entered the room, she took off the poncho and threw it over a chair. He closed the door behind them, then rested his head against it for a moment and took a deep breath. After resisting an impulse for several days, it was almost as difficult to let it go.
“Letitia,” he said, turning to her.
Silently, she walked back to him and stopped just short of touching.
“I know what you want, and I am going to give it to you,” he said softly. “But there’s something I need you to understand first. You see, I’m just a little bit telepathic, not enough to read thoughts without serious concentration, but emotions are stronger than thoughts, and in certain circumstances, I can’t control it.”
“Certain circumstances,” she repeated, laying her hand against his cheek.
“Yes. The thing is that the connection is enhanced by physical contact…”
“Like this?” she asked, sliding her other hand behind his head and pulling him closer.
“Something like this,” he agreed, touching her face in return. “I just don’t want you to be surprised when…”
“Doctor,” she interrupted, “normally I enjoy listening to you, but for right now, would you please just shut up?”
Then she kissed him, and the world melted away. Not just the world, but the time streams as well. So long as their lips were touching, he knew only the present.
For her, it was the opposite. She caught a glimpse of what he sensed all the time: the motion of the planet, the stars, life… eternity. But more than any of that, she felt his touch, the beating of his hearts, the desire rising within him. She did not know how long it lasted, only that it was getting darker outside.
“I think I could spend the rest of my life just kissing you,” she breathed as they broke apart at last.
“If you like,” he said, “but I was thinking of a bit more. Do you want more?”
“Yes,” she sighed.
“Tell me.”
“I want more.” She ran her hands through his hair and down his neck. “I want everything.” She pushed the jacket off his shoulders. “I am yours, Doctor. All yours…”
He threw the jacket on the floor, took hold of her again, and kissed her with greater passion. Slowly they began to explore each others’ bodies with their hands. Gradually they undressed, and as the skin contact increased, so did the emotional contact. She felt his loneliness, lessened over the past few days but still not gone. He felt her longing, finally being fulfilled.
She pulled him to the bed, and he took a moment to look at her, running his fingers through her braids.
She almost spoke then, but the words seemed superfluous. Instead, she slid her hand over his cheek and down his chest. Her eyes continued… he hardly looked different at all. Just enough to surprise a woman who didn’t expect it. She had imagined so many possibilities over the years, some much worse than the truth, but it still took an act of will to touch him. Then she began to laugh, voicelessly. She looked up at his face, and once again the words came and went. All she could do was whisper his name.
“Letitia,” he sighed. “There’s more I should tell you. You can’t have a Time Lord inside you and not change. Your body will absorb my cells, and…”
“You’re talking too much again,” she admonished. She gave him a gentle squeeze, then gasped in surprise.
“That’s the third thing… I was going to tell you,” he explained between breaths. Her hand was sliding away, slowly, brushing against him all the while. “I’m more different than I look… But I do know how to be with a human, so you have to let me lead…”
“Come here,” she demanded. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to her.
“Hold still,” he insisted, staring into her eyes. For once she obeyed, and he took hold of her hips and moved inside her. She threw her head back and tightened her legs around him.
Silence surrounded them, and their breathing rose and fell like ocean waves. It was pure, unbridled ecstasy, two bodies and minds becoming one. He sensed her emotions as if they were his own: how she’d missed him for twenty-two years, how she’d ached for him the last six, and just how dearly she loved him. Then he felt a twinge of guilt; that was his own. But it was too late to take it back. Much too late. He had no choice but to go on.
She was basking in the joy he felt simply in living life, and in sharing it with another. Deep within was the terrible knot of grief that would never truly subside, but like the dots in a yin-yang, it brought contrast. Such a loss only made the joy that much sweeter. So much love, so much passion… She nearly drew back from a streak of hatred, for the ones who had destroyed his people, but in the end she loved him all the more for his faults. She held him so close, her body wrapped around him, his head against her shoulder; nothing existed outside their union.
Though the emotional connection was complete, the physical pleasure continued to grow. He’d said she would change, and she was ready to change into just about anything. She was even ready to die.
As they moved together toward the sweet intensity he hadn’t felt since before the war, the imbalance in their feelings no longer mattered. For one brief, shining moment, time stopped. His entire life, nine hundred years, refined into a few seconds inside her. And even that, they shared.
It was only afterward, as they lay in each others’ arms, still so close, the connection slowly fading, that she realized what she hadn’t felt. He liked her, wanted her, needed her, trusted her completely… but he didn’t love her. Not the way she loved him.
Neither one spoke for a long time. So long as they didn’t break the silence, they could pretend nothing was wrong. But eventually, the truth had to take hold.
“I’m sorry, Letitia,” he said. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I just… I didn’t know…”
“Don’t be sorry,” she smiled, though there were tears in her eyes. “You can’t help what you feel, or don’t feel. You’ve given me all you could, more than I dared to hope for.”
“This doesn’t have to be the end,” he pleaded. “I’m sure I could love you. I do love you…”
“You love everyone,” she pointed out, laying her finger over his lips. “Even if you haven’t met them. Even if you can’t stand them, you still love them. I know exactly how that feels, and I know it isn’t enough.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away, not to avoid her, but to fight his own sorrow. “I want to give you what you deserve…”
“I didn’t mean for me,” she cut in. “I would be perfectly content to follow you around like a puppy.”
“No you wouldn’t,” he laughed. “Not for long.”
“Okay, maybe not like a puppy,” she admitted, “but I’d be happy just to be with you, no matter how you feel about me. And I could wait as long as it takes for you to love me the same way, except that I know there’s someone else for you. I’ve seen her, in your future.”
“You’ve seen my future?” he asked. “I can’t even see my future.”
“Yes, I have. But no more talk,” she said, “not tonight. I just want to hold you, while I still can. My Doctor. My love.”
He clenched his hands in her hair and rested his head against hers. If anything, her forgiveness only made him regret it more.
Scene Selection
1. The Earth Line 6. Three Days 2. Based on a True Story 7. Cassiopeia 3. Tempus Vivat 8. Connection 4. Green Light 9. No Happy Endings 5. Reunion Commentary